Song of the Shifting Season

Sage song of the flat lands
capturing the power, of an
ancient hand
upon the womb of dreams
manifesting
from the all-seeing eye
that translates the knowing
of the stars on high
and activates the yearning
within every waking heart
to connect with the learnings
that will bring man back to love
and remember the divine
truth of the earth
in the rhythm of the soils
from which all life is birthed

even as the wintertime
descends like the night
memories of the wild
sound clear and bright
in moments of reflection
and quiet introspection
lessons do reveal
from the frosty dark
and thus guiding the way
through the weary cold
till wonders sprout again
come the sunny spring
till then let us dwell
in the caverns of our hearts
and finding peace we rest
beneath a shifting season’s spell

As the season shifts from summer to winter, remember the beauty in all things. The changing natural cycle: just a part of life. Colder months, inviting the opportunity for more introspection and reflection, before we emerge into the more extrovert energy of warm sunny months again.

When we allow ourselves to flow with the seasons and connect to the natural rhythms of the earth, we can harness their power. Using the energy to support us and our personal growth, as opposed to fighting against them and wishing for something other than the blessing of the present moment. Each season has its own energy and even in the cold and the dark, there are gifts from nature to be received. Lessons and teachings, and messages for our journey through life.

Next Sunday I will be hosting a ceremonial cacao journey “Sunset on the Dark Heart”. Harnessing the energies of this week’s new moon, and the shifting season, we will dive deep into an exploration of our subconscious landscape to receive clarity on how we can spend the winter hibernation months best preparing for the “seeds” to be planted in the springtime. Whether those seeds be personal or professional goals, we can work on clearing any fears and blockages that may otherwise inhibit our future blooming.

If you cannot attend in person and are interested to receive the guided meditation/visualisation journey after the ceremony, please reach out! Offerings received will support the Roots community project.

Have a cosy Sunday,

~ Cara 🌒

Black Coffee Mornings

Indulging an addiction 
from London days
caught in the grind
beneath a matrix haze

then a spell was spun
that swept me afar
where the dark night dawned
revealing truth, in the lair

of a shaman’s den
a ceremonial vow
bringing whispers from the ether
into the here and now

a bending reality
cast us between
the folds of conscious knowing
life not as it seemed

as night blends to day
and the sun sets bright again
you and I surrendered
our grasp for certainty


Oh you and I both knew,
the clocks turned back on fact
that illusion may crystallise
into a cursed reality
or dreams could be trapped by the moon
then manifested all too soon


Now the Sound of Silence plays
and a ghostly smile beams
I see I’ve walked these streets
to other-worldly beats

as I sip a hot black coffee
in a North American home
it’s not all that different
for all lands lurk in the Soul

we wander across the earth
to gather up the pieces
aspects of our truth
that are not so true at all

a paradox keeps the excitement
like warm caramel down our throats
a dance beyond eternity
spinning us on our toes

you call from another dimension
I relax, into the blues
melancholy reflection
of a mirror, held to you

the Mayan tradition says
I was born to show your shadows
and so many did run
when they’d look into my eyes

but dare to stay, and dare to see
they’re not so frightening
dare to know, just who you are
and taste love, unconditionally

* * *

Some poetry born from new lands, transitioning and integrating different aspects of the soul. I’ve recorded a reading of this one on my YouTube channel if you’d like to find it there!

A lot has been happening lately — you can also read more about my Community Centre project here and get in touch if you’d like to support more.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great closing of the weekend!

~ Cara

Union with One

I am Whole;
eternal spirit flying free

I am whole;
at peace within my soul

while the structured grounds
of Mother Earth’s womb
hold me strong through transformation
contained in the cocoon

and consciousness expanding
roots ever up into the Sky
breath of fire transcending
whether we live or die

This is a little poetic affirmation for supporting expansion of the consciousness and connection to the sense of eternal wholeness, that comes when we let go of attachment to our existence in any given reality.

By rooting deeper into the present moment and grounding into the earth, we can create a powerful anchor to the vast ecosystem that we are a part of. This aids us to feel deeply supported by the earth, comforted, and connected.

In turn allowing our consciousness to expand and escape the confines of the logical mind and all we think we know. We are held within this dimension, while we transcend it, simultaneously experiencing the safety of home within these incarnated bodies: while knowing there is so much beyond.

An eternity of existence.

An immortal peace beyond the void.

The more we cultivate deep feelings of safety within each present moment, the more we will be able to soften and surrender into the heart, wherein lies the blooming fractal flower of the universe.

Wish you a beautiful closing to the weekend,

~ Cara

I am Free

I Am Free—

as the flowing particles
of the wind
that permeate through
and between —

all things,
near and far
and in-the-spaces
where nothing else
dares to
roam

but the mystical murmurings
of Ether’s song

And the wind is committed
just as it is free
committed to its essence
committed to being
in all forms
and persisting
through the wild storms
to the calm breeze…

The wind is Eternal
and commitment,
sets it
Free

🌬

Commitment offers us deep stability and focus, supporting the building of an inner sturdy foundation and container that is actually what our souls crave… in order for our consciousness to fly free and wild, without becoming scattered and lost.

I’ve felt this knowing for a long time but my appreciation for this in the physical world is continuously sinking in deeper. I’m in the most committed (and monogamous) relationship I’ve ever been in — and yet I feel freer than ever before. In contrast to what my life looked like several years ago, when I was exploring polyamory, open-relating, and my bisexuality.

Of course there are different relationship structures for everyone and the type of relationship is not an indicator of commitment level. I have explored many and I am not one to judge, I understand many different perspectives.

But I ask this question to probe you, if you are exploring. Are you doing so because that is a genuine calling… or is it because you are actually afraid of commitment?

Asking yourself that question and honestly reflecting on the answer may just reveal some deep clues as to your fears, values, and desires.

Make sure you’re choosing a relationship structure out of love, not out of fear… and don’t hesitate to reach out if I can be of support.

Have a wonderful weekend

~ Cara 💕

My Adult Psychic Opening

I have not shared much – neither publicly nor privately – about these topics before. But lately, I’ve felt prompted to speak about my own story of experiencing what I will call a psychic opening. People may refer to similar kinds of experiences under various different labels – and I don’t normally like to use labels, because they can be constricting. But in this blog post I will – as I want to open a dialogue, bringing sometimes abstract concepts into a framework that we can start to work with in everyday communication.

When I refer to “psychic opening”, what I’m talking about is an opening or expansion of the awareness – to the point that things become visible or audible beyond this three-dimensional reality. I now experience much deeper, multi-textured, levels of sensory information – all whilst completely sober (and as an aside: I don’t use psychedelics, and I do not work with psychedelic plant medicines). If this sounds odd to you, please don’t switch off. We know (according to science) that there are many more dimensions to our reality than the one we live in. We also know that there is so much in the universe that we don’t know or have not yet observed. 

So if what I’m saying sounds strange, bear with me for a few minutes. Open the mind, to the vast array of possibility in this existence. With a slight shift in perspective, suddenly these things are not so extraordinary. 

These days, I live my day-to-day life perceiving a lot. I used to get very overwhelmed, distressed, and also afraid of what “normal” people would think if they knew. Now, I’ve arrived to my own deep inner-standing of myself; and how I can use my awareness to better serve me and my world, as opposed to hinder me. 

I’ve decided to share my story – and some of the techniques I use to stay “tethered” to reality – because I know of many people who experience total sensory overload and overwhelm, and who struggle to cope in a society that may at best dismiss them as being “too sensitive”, and at worst label them as “insane”. 

My goal in sharing is to make these subjects a little more accessible and relatable, normalise these kinds of experiences, and share some tools that have helped me and continue to support me. Because how to manage heightened sensory observation is not something that we are taught as part of a typical education. Those who really struggle may think something is wrong with them – turning to the medical system for help. They are likely to be misunderstood – perhaps they will end up dosed on anti-psychotic medication that has negative knock-on ramifications for their physical and psychological wellbeing. Or perhaps they will turn towards an “alternative” path – which is riddled with just as many pitfalls, given the commercialisation of holistic wellness, fake shamans and practitioners feeding off their own spiritual ego trip.

I’ll start with some brief background of what happened to me. I’ll be talking here about my “adult” psychic opening – because I now realise that as a child, I experienced heightened awareness. It then “shut down” when I was about eleven years old, coinciding with the time I began wearing glasses (which literally started to limit my “inner” sight – my vision journey is a whole other story), and funnelled down the academic system. For the next fifteen years my life was highly “mental”. I was predominantly in my mind, as opposed to my body: extremely academically and then career oriented. It wasn’t until I suffered chronic (physical) illness that I started to come back to my body, and I feel it was my deep embodiment that laid the foundation for my senses to once again truly feel and open up. By coming back to myself, as opposed to getting lost in mental distraction and the rat-race of academic work and career goals, I had the time and space to actually listen and observe at deeper levels again.

I’d had various whacky experiences before, but things went to a whole new level from December 2020 onwards. It began when I was stung by a scorpion, and for a week suffered on and off feverish hallucinations. I’ve heard that in some indigenous tribes, scorpion poison is used in initiation ceremonies: and this was certainly an initiation of sorts. Something altered in my bio-chemistry and opened within me: or rather, as I like to see it, it was a re-activation of what had already been there. Obviously, that particular week, I was under the influence of a foreign substance in my body. But things continued long after the poison left me – and so began a new chapter in my adult life.

My sensitivities suddenly heightened – prompting me to reduce my consumption of stimulants and any mind-altering substances (in particular, alcohol and caffeine – not that I even used much to begin with). 

In the following months, all whilst completely sober, I experienced vivid daydreams where suddenly it was like the fabric of my reality opened up and I witnessed things from elsewhere, playing on little TV screens around me. My vision would get a lot of “static” in it and I’d be bombarded with sights and sounds from these other places. When this happened, I’d often get totally incapacitated and have to lay down – dizzy, weak, and overloaded. It also often hurt to move, because it was like my physical body was in contact with other places and had this added density and weight to it, as it perceived sensations beyond just this current physical existence.

I have now accepted and embrace that I perceive what I shall label “alternative” or “parallel” realities. My experiences (as well as scientific background – because throughout my life I’ve had a keen interest in physics) have led me to believe that there are many realities all co-existing at once at the same time. 

If this is the case, perhaps it is not so strange that some people can perceive these other places then? At least in some states.

I am also clairaudient. I “hear” things from other places. I need a lot of silence in my day-to-day – because my base-line existence is so full of sound. It’s constant, even when I meditate and clear my mind, and feel like I’m totally clear, I hear. 

Now you might say – what’s the use of all this? How can all this sensory stimulation be a good thing? Well, since I embraced my unique way of perceiving as a tool (instead of thinking something was “wrong” with me), I’ve found myself in fact feeling more in control of my own life, and a master of my own destiny.

I’ll go right to an extreme example: but it’s an important one.

I’ve had a number of near-death experiences in my life, and since my sensory awareness began expanding again, I’ve had moments of literally observing, like a fork in the road, where other timelines have led to my own death. The most vivid was in January 2021, shortly after my channels re-opened, when I was a passenger in a car that nearly went off a cliff in the mountains of central Costa Rica. It was a foggy night, and the GPS had taken a friend and me up a road which then stopped without warning – leading into thin air, the earth collapsed. My friend had stopped the car just in time as though feeling the danger instead of seeing it, because visibility was so poor. A second later and we would have tumbled to our death into the crater below, but instead there we were: safe, at the top of a cliff. From out of the mist, I saw my own ghost staring back at me.

The week leading up to this incident, I’d had a series of vivid dreams and “messages’ that I’d been given a second chance in this lifetime, which was nearly over. I heard voices telling me to forgive a number of people who had wronged me – and I spent a week in deep meditation, observing various traumas in my life, and “releasing” the grudges I had subconsciously kept against the people responsible. The night of the near-car-accident, I saw the fork in the road: what would have happened, had I not shifted my attitudes.

Whatever you choose to believe about my story, or my experience, is up to you. My point in sharing is to illustrate the power of perception as a tool: how do we use what we observe to shape our lives for the better, becoming the masters of our own destiny? Do we let our senses rule and overwhelm us, or do we use our senses to serve us?

The key is mastery of your perception. And just like meditation can support mastery of emotions, to allow them to flow through instead of rule us, various practices can help you ground and stay anchored in this reality – whilst perceiving the multi-textured greater framework of this universe. Here are just a few quick examples of tools that helped me:

  • Grounding practices of connecting with the earth: walking barefoot, taking time to connect with nature, observing this present reality.
  • Eating hearty (but clean and healthy!) meals, that incorporate animal products – red meat and fish. Veganism and vegetarianism can make you feel very “light”, and if you’re having trouble anchoring in this reality, it may actually help you to eat heavier foods.
  • Keeping your home and physical space tidy and organised: the more you perceive elsewhere, the more important it is to have order in this reality. Make caring for your physical space a ritual: making your bed in the morning, sweeping the floors, doing your dishes.
  • Eliminate/reduce stimulants such as caffeine, eliminate/reduce any mind-altering substances.
  • Slowing down in general, and in particular around the hours of sunrise and sunset. At these times, the “veil” between worlds and dimensions is thinnest and so this is when you are likely to be perceiving the most. I normally spend these times in silence, in meditation or doing gentle yoga/stretching, or writing – to record any messages I’m “hearing’ that may be of use to me in my life.  
  • Create a routine with structure and discipline: plan your week, creating an organised framework in this reality.
  • Incorporate embodiment practices and movement into your daily routine. The more your sense perception opens to other places, the more your “awareness” expands, the more important it is to deepen connection with your roots and this physical body. 
  • Turn off your phone and WiFi router overnight/when not in use – when your sense perception is heightened, EMF can affect you much more.
  • Herbal supplementation to support the brain and nervous system.

If you’re privileged enough to see more to this existence than meets the physical eye – I encourage you to embrace it. See it as a gift, your special super power. Don’t dim your light. I know it can seem tough and overwhelming at times, and maybe others won’t understand. But what’s more important – living your life to your fullest, or what other people think?

And as always, reach out if you need any additional support – I will be happy to help how I can.

With love,

Cara

We Heal Each Other

With you, there is such a sense of family
and familiarity
my heart opens
in a tender unfurling –
it wants to give, so unconditionally
it felt unnatural
to even name a price
for would I charge myself –
for the gift of self-love?

And here you are
exposing those own parts
within my soul
that desire more love
I know I need
to keep on growing
diving deeper
to keep rising
that I can hold your hand
as we journey together
out of the vortex
of this sickly matrix.

Now, an activated mirror
helps me to see clearer
exactly how
to touch your being –
yearning
to provide that safety
your Soul, so deserves.

There’s both a gentleness
and a wild untamed power
I witness in your presence
and I feel you
there at the cusp
tapping into your essence
it all had to crumble
for you to find yourself.

Remember, remember
in every rebirthing cell;
remember, remember
the gift of your light
to shine it bright
unto all
the world.

* * *

This poem came to me after a healing session with a friend of mine, several months ago. One of the strong themes that came through was how interconnected we all are — as well as how health and healing is a daily practice. A discipline. A process that involves constant learning and commitment to how we can better ourselves and show up better for each other and the world.

Our healing affects one another. We are on this journey of awakening, growing, and rising together. The more we dissolve our ego and sense of a separate self, the more we shall truly realise and appreciate the strength in unity. We have so much to learn from one another, as we integrate different aspects and expressions of existence, within our own souls. Together, we are greater than we are alone.

And the more we express and shine our authentic self, the more we activate others on their path: giving each other permission to fully step into the gifts that we were born to share with the world.

Wishing you a beautiful weekend.

~ Cara ✨

We Walk Among You

We walk among you
though often go unseen
lost in the depths of mind
in a forgotten dream

yet just like you, we walk upon
the sacred soils of this earth
and just like you, we cycle through
the seasons of death and birth

a misty veil, sometimes clears
allowing you, to peak into
a world of spirits dancing between
the dotted lines of all that's true

we come in all shapes and sizes
different characters, coloured souls
a spectrum greater than the rainbow
and fluid as the river flows

who knows why we live apart
beneath the haze of blinded eyes
we yearn to feel connected too
that you hear, our waking cries

for the lands are whispering fierce:
dying beneath pollution's spell
more and more, these days we roam
in a contaminated hell

so will you stop, for a moment dear?
to listen to the fading beat
of the heart, that brought us here
loving creature, who now you fear

I know the emotion confuses you
and sometimes you feel overwhelm
but I beg that we may integrate
share lessons from the sleeping realms

wisdom old, for we've witnessed
the rise and fall of civilisation
and it's time, to face the mirror
shadows of your ego's reflection

release the wounds, and false projections
stop cursing the Mother of all things
will you realise, break free from the lie
the havoc this perception brings

and open your heart, once again
to the spirit of this earth
with loving arms, embrace our creator
then surrender to the dawn of your rebirth


~ songs from spirit, recorded with Love

Wishing you a beautiful weekend!
~ Cara

Shamanic Healing… and the Shaman’s Way

I notice more and more these days, my hesitation around the word “shaman”. Even if I myself identify as being on a shamanic path.

Perhaps it is because of how much I have seen this label misused; and with kind of an underlying arrogant assertion as to an individual’s power and mastery of connection to spirit.

The true shamans I have known, do not seem to describe themselves as such. And I am always struck deeply by the humility of my own teacher.

I’ve seen him travel a whole day from one side of the country to another, in a car totally unsuited to the land’s rough roads, when his own vehicle was broken down – deeply honouring his commitment to the work he’d promised to do. Arriving at my home with his sleeping child, nearly at midnight, and declining to take the offer of my freshly made bed I’d prepared for the both of them. He’d already said before that he didn’t mind to sleep on the floor (when I’d mentioned the limited space I had in my home). Yet, I wanted to offer more than that for his effort in coming, and had been ready to give up my own comforts.

Or the time he’d travelled just as far to offer a sweat lodge ceremony, with only three of us in attendance. Tending to a blazing fire in the midday heat of a scorching sun, for what would essentially become my own private ceremony – the two other attendees helped with the fire at intervals throughout the process, and so I was the only one to spend the entire time within the Inipi (the tent where the sweat-lodge is conducted).

It was in fact a powerful experience, that unwound some trauma I had after a poorly-held sweat lodge that had left me feeling violated at a soul level, and with severe pain in my joints for a week after. That, too, was an experience I don’t regret – it taught me many things, including about the spiritual ego, and the wariness I should have around those who proclaim themselves to be shamans.

But after my teacher’s ceremony, I emerged feeling such deep renewal and recalibration on so many levels. The contrast in approach was like night and day. And not so much down to physical method – it was more of an energetical matter. How does someone carry themselves? What motivates them to do the work? Is it their own ego and greed, or a true genuine desire to heal and support peoples’ growth?

“Be wary of the “shaman”, but do not dismiss the incredible power of shamanic healing…”

Perhaps my aversion to the label of “shaman” also comes from my experiences of what a shaman in fact does. It seems contradictory to attach to the label of an identity, when the work of a shaman involves embodying a certain fluidity of character – to act merely as a channel for the messages of spirit to flow through.

There’s been times where I’ve been triggered by my teacher’s “ego”, which was not really his ego at all, but a reflection of my own. A shaman will, through their work, hold an unveiled mirror to your soul, to expose the deepest darkest parts. Reveal your shadows, so that you have an opportunity to heal them. To become more luminous – as my teacher says.

So how do you know who is real, and who is not? I also by no means want to suggest that anyone who calls themselves a “shaman” is fake. Labels, too, can have benefits: we live in a society where labels are used all the time, and it can feel necessary to function with labels and titles in order to connect with those around us, in a way that they can understand and relate to.

My best advice, then, for navigating any kind of exploration into shamanism (or for that matter, any holistic healing work) is to really examine – how does the practitioner live their own life? What example do they set for others? Are they truly walking the walk, or just talking the talk?

My teacher didn’t seek me out. I found him. Be wary of those who market themselves aggressively and make loud claims about what they can do for you. Is their energy overly focussed on what they can “get” – clients, money, work…?

Or is it about what they can give, how they can be in devotional service, and their focus on continued personal expansion, growth, betterment – that they can provide ever-more deeply to others and to the earth.

And one last thing – know that we are all constantly growing, evolving, changing… all on a healing journey together. All too often we lock ourselves into fixed perceptions about people, situations, relationships. When in truth, everything is always in constant flux, a cycle.

Make sure to ask these questions constantly. Check in with your inner voice, and don’t “follow” anybody. The ultimate teacher is within you: the goal is to find our own connection to spirit and be liberated from reliance on any one master or system of rules. Others are here to help us on our paths – but during our earthly incarnation, we are all students of a power far greater and beyond us… in the universe out there, accessed through the universe inside our own hearts.

Love and blessings on your journey.

Cara

The Alchemist Returns

It's been three weeks since my accident in the river by my home, when the current dragged me underwater and through a rock tunnel, and I escaped by what seemed to be a miracle... 

It felt like I went through a portal. Literally and metaphorically. A disintegration and reintegration of my body, my being, my soul. Which somehow, seemed to come back together more whole after the experience - although these last few weeks, my nervous system has been in quite a dis-regulated state.

This morning I was reflecting on that moment, while conversing with my daily dose of ceremonial Cacao, and a voice came to me:

"You cannot ever be left behind, if you're already truly here."

The theme of abandonment, and abandonment wounds, has been coming up strongly in my network lately, and I'm reminded of some reflections shared in the women's circle I hosted a few days ago. Fear of abandonment affects so many of us: and so long as we let that fear rule our lives, indeed we shall feel abandoned. Abandoned by joy, as bliss leaves us, the beautiful gift of the present moment diminished by distracting thoughts of the inevitable loss we perceive shall happen.

And indeed, all things material, and physical, will come to an end in this particular plane of reality. Our own bodies shall fail us one day, abandon our spirit, and disintegrate back into the earth.

But remember - energy is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes form.

So release into the flow of that ebbing motion, that brings us always round, full circle, to the beginning of time, and the birth of creation.

And know that from the faded embers, from the dark, a spark always comes back to life...

* * *

Now, I’d like to tell a little story – one of my favourite stories to tell. I told it last night on stage at my local live music venue “Organico” where I play regularly. A girl approached me after, saying that’s what her friend needed to hear that night, and it made me smile knowing “this is why I come out to share my music“. It’s not for the small change that I manage to make from tips some nights, but for the medicine that comes with sharing my energy in this way.

I’ve told bits and pieces of this story in various posts before. But here’s a little more detail.

At the beginning of this year, I was due to complete on the purchase of a property. A property where I envisioned to not just build my own home, but establish a healing sanctuary and community centre. There’d been a long build-up to this moment. Indeed I’d started my property search 12 months prior, and with this particular property, had invested a lot of time, money, and energy. I had a prelim sales contract in place and a large deposit down – yet the day before completion, it all fell apart.

At the time, I also had a man living with me – who had recently decided to leave the United States and try out a different way of life. It was a pretty new relationship, but I was all in. I knew what I wanted, what I had to offer, and the strength of my commitment both to my own life path, and to partnership. I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I believe if you want something, go for it: that’s how I make things happen.

The property deal fell apart and at pretty much exactly the same time, I felt him start to pull away. He already had plans to go to Mexico for a month, for a training programme, which I’d fully supported – I believe commitment to a relationship doesn’t mean you always need to be together full time, and continuing to pursue personal development and growth whilst in relationship is incredibly important to avoid stagnation both individually and as a couple. I encouraged him to go for his training, but in the week prior to his departure, things felt like they were coming apart energetically in terms of the way he was acting towards me. Like he was afraid of commitment, and no longer interested in me now that my life was not all fairy-tale-like and smooth sailing.

I think deep down in my gut I knew it was over – he wasn’t coming back. And deep in my heart, I probably knew he wasn’t the one for me.

Over the next month, it felt like the universe was throwing me test after test. The biggest one was waiting to get my deposit money back (which I did eventually), but there were points where I doubted whether I would, and spent hours meditating to release attachment to that money: arriving to a state of peace with that financial loss. I was in the midst of this process when a break-up text message came out of the blue, two days before he was due to land back in Costa Rica. Not even a phone call. He’d decided he’d found himself in Mexico, where everything was flowing beautifully…

Despite the heartache, and ultimately frustration at myself for having given my all to somebody who didn’t match my commitment level, I resolved to not react to him. I wanted to break the cycle I’d been in many times before – of chasing unavailable love. Instead, pull my focus back to myself. Find the love within me. Be love. Be whole.

It was a sleepless night. This was the last straw, that had come after all the stress of seeing my dreams crumble apart. I spent a lot of time crying: not so much over him, although that definitely was part of it. But sometimes what we’re grieving is actually the “loss” or death of old parts of ourselves. I knew I was going through a huge transformation, personally and with my life mission. It didn’t make things any less painful in the moment, but I had that deep knowing inside me. A trust, that kept me going. One foot in front of the other.

From the darkest hour… the greatest light may be born…

The next day, puffy eyed and feeling hungover from all the emotion I’d wallowed in and tears I cried, I was summoning the courage to go down to Organico for my weekly gig. I didn’t feel like going out. I felt terrible, looked terrible, and my vehicle was broken down which meant I’d have to walk the steep hill to town. It seemed a lot of effort, and my mood was not good.

Then the song “The Alchemist” came to me. Just like that. Not my typical style either. The tune, and lyrics, just dropped in.

And suddenly I had energy. I got myself ready, put on some nice clothes (not to impress anybody, but to make myself feel more put together for me), and began the walk. I was actually first due to have dinner with a musician I’d played with a few times before – and from the minute we sat down I felt a flirtatious energy from him which I found irritating. I explained that I was not looking for anything right now, and what had been happening in my personal life lately. His response was to tell various things I needed from a man, in a way that felt like he was trying to persuade me to let him provide them. He was perfectly polite, but I was not in the mood. And it irritates me when people who don’t know me tell me what I need.

I remember thinking to myself – I don’t need the things he’s suggesting. And if I choose a man, I will choose somebody who is as committed to and focussed on his path as I am to mine, who is strong enough to ride the waves of life and not just throw in the towel when things get tough, and who doesn’t run away to where the grass looks greener. Because I know the kind of person I am. I know my strength. And I am somebody who keeps on going even when things are rough.

We finished dinner and head over to Organico for musica. I wander in search of the owner, and as I walk towards the stage a young man calls out to me. He’s asking about live music, and tells me he wants to play.

The night was pretty blurry, and not because of the wine. Later, I asked the young man (Alex) if he’d play harmonica to some my songs, and at the end of the night we end up in an incredible jam where I’m just free-flowing with my poetry. The first time I’ve ever done something improvised like that on stage. It’s like something else took over me. It happens to me often when I’m on my own singing for the trees and feeling connection to spirit: but at that time, it was not something that happened to me in public.

Two days later Alex follows me to a gig of mine at Indigena Café: a different kind of venue, where I tell stories, and share my medicine music focussed more on my spiritual path and journey. That day he gifts me the book – The Alchemist. At the time, I hadn’t yet played the song of mine, of that same name, for anybody else’s ears.

Nearly 5 months later, and Alex is back here in Costa Rica. I just had (another!) property deal collapse but I’m once again trusting the process, and Alex hasn’t run away either. Here’s a little clip of us playing The Alchemist together – the first time we did so in person, after very little practice! It’s a song all about alchemising emotion. Shifting perception. From dark to light: we always have a choice.

Alex shares my passion for poetry, storytelling, and weaving medicine through music – as well as health and wellbeing. We are very excited to now be collaborating in person, combining our gifts both musically, as well as in the field of health and wellness, and starting the journey of partnership.

Alex is actually currently in the running to open at Audacy’s We Can Survive Concert at the Hollywood Bowl, LA, in October – a concert in support of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Voting for the opening act is open for the next 4 days and he is currently 6th in his group. You can find out more about his music and free vote (daily!) at this link if you want to support him. There is also the option to add extra votes with a donation if you feel called. Any support is greatly appreciated – whether voting, donating, or spreading the word!

Stay tuned for more updates, and remember again: no matter how difficult things may be, you are in charge of your destiny.

Sometimes reality may crumble, so that it can all come back together again more perfectly.

Keep practicing letting go of what you can’t control, and focus on building the sturdy foundation within you. Because when you feel whole, and stable within, that is when the magic happens: and that’s when we can come together, a force much greater than we are alone, and rise to the skies, fulfilling our dreams.

Wishing you a beautiful rest of your weekend, with lots of love.

~ Cara

When Everything Crumbles…

… To come back together again more perfectly.

The other morning I was sitting on my balcony, sharing a smoke of tobacco with my partner. Tobacco gifted to me from the Ngobe Indigenous, in southern Costa Rica. Tobacco that has been used by many indigenous peoples in sacred tradition and ceremony, long before this plant was taken and misused by the commercialised tobacco industry: destroyed with chemical additives and malignant intent. 

I’ve just started the next phase of my shamanic training. My teacher has opened a “dieta” for me: a special shamanic diet to allow me to connect more deeply with the plant medicine of cacao that I have been working with over the last year. Many foods (and spices!) I once loved are now off-limits: and I am to start my mornings with a 50g dose of ceremonial-grade cacao.

This is also my first-time smoking tobacco with sacred intent, of my own initiative. As my teacher says, when we smoke tobacco, it is to “do work”. And when we speak as we smoke, the voice that comes from us is not the voice of our humanly selves with our “human stupidity”, but the voice of the “ascended master”, or “spirit” of tobacco. Teaching us. Guiding us. Beyond the confines of our logical mind.

My partner and I are reflecting on the cacao ceremony we took part in the previous night. I say to him that I received the message: we must be prepared for things to come apart, constantly, in our day-to-day, as reality shifts to mirror our changing awareness and understanding. Reality is adjusting, recalibrating, coming back together in more aligned ways, and we must learn to trust the process: because sometimes, it may feel like it’s falling apart.

We must find our grounding not from attachment to a particular state of affairs and how we think we’ll achieve our goals: but by connection to a deep sense of the overall vision of where we are headed, as well as rootedness in our daily practices and rituals. Respect for the earth, while we connect to the inner knowing of our hearts, a gateway to the wisdom of the universe, guiding us on our path and life mission.

Things have certainly been shifting a lot lately – and the last weeks have been a rollercoaster ride. I’ve been taking more internal time, as well as recalibrating to some big life shifts since my partner arrived from Canada and we’re adjusting to weaving together life and our projects.

Not to mention that the afternoon before he arrived, I had an accident in the river near my home. I was dragged underwater by the current, and through a rock tunnel, before I miraculously resurfaced. There was a moment that felt like eternity when I was underwater, in the darkness, feeling the powerful suction of the current pulling at my body. Not knowing when I would emerge, feeling totally out of control. I’ve been in some scary situations before in my life – but never have I felt so close to actually leaving this planet. The sheer strength of the water humbled me, leaving me totally helpless, with only the faith in my heart that somehow I was going to get out.

I’m still processing a lot from that incident. Reflections coming through. Feelings. And the shock to my nervous system. Although after last night’s ceremony, I feel a big reset: I’m ready for the next chapter, and what it holds.

Work here ebbs and flows with the seasons. As I write this, we have no power, no wifi, and plenty of time to rest and reflect. I had three healing sessions cancelled last week because the client decided not to travel out to Costa Rica; at the same time as my rent increased. The space is also feeling small and constrictive to share with another – no matter how easily he and I flow together!

I’m not sure what the future holds but it’s starting to feel like I’m being pushed out of this town. So I’ll dive into the uncertainty. I’ll trust in the unfolding. I’ll remember my prayers, and I’ll keep following my heart.

Remember the journey is beautiful, and we’re in this together…

With Love,

Cara

p.s. I’m grateful to have a new poem “Prayer to the Elements” published on PhoebeMD.com – you can check it out here!