Inner Guide

the greatest teachers are the ones who help us to find the teachers within ourselves…

You showed me the way
to look deep within myself
to find the child inside
lost without a home
yearning to be held
in tender loving arms
and you taught me how to hold
that child for myself
to nurture that sweet seed
bursting, ready to grow
into a fierce wild tree
with great, flowering boughs
bearing the fruits of hope
of a promised land, above
the promised land I desire
that I create
for myself

And please, never forget.

You are in control. This is your life.

You can choose how you live it.

Just listen to the voice inside.

You got this.

Visions from Beyond

There are days, that I wake
and I cannot "see"
my eyes, bleeding
clouded by fears
as down my cheeks
tears are streaming
from the echos of 
centuries
ancient pain
suffering I chose
through bitter cycles
now the time is here
today, now
to cleanse the path
to walk a new way
and see
with a richness
from beyond

The journey of holistically healing my vision, through clearing emotional blockages and releasing childhood trauma and ancestral wounds, has been and continues to be one of the most profound journeys I’ve been on. It’s now been nearly 4 months since I stopped wearing my prescription glasses for most tasks, and 3 months since I stopped wearing them completely.

My vision is improving, but it is a fluctuating journey, and often my world shifts and changes around me. I still struggle to read words in the distance, yet the other day when hiking I spotted a tiny butterfly with transparent wings, amidst a vast green jungle expanse. When I’m swimming in the ocean, I experience moments of crystal clear clarity, like I can see every single atom in my environment, vibrating. I find that I see everything I need to see, and I am learning to feel patience and be content with my eyes just as they are. A question I’m often asked is “don’t you ever get headaches?” The answer is no. My eyes feel better than they’ve ever felt before, and I don’t experience tension in my head (or face for that matter). In fact, whereas I used to have terrible sinus trouble when flying in a plane (due to changes in air pressure), I now have no issue whatsoever – a fact I’ve recently discovered, flying tiny domestic aircraft in Costa Rica.

sometimes what we feel physically is just a symptom of something that goes far deeper, that requires us to examine ourselves and to take care of our soul

The biggest motivation for me to keep going on this path, even on the days when I’m having some practical difficulty reading or using my computer, is that I feel my awareness expanding: the depth to my sight going beyond my superficial physical world. I feel more connected, sensually, with the environment around me; and I feel more sensitive and perceptive of energy, subtle vibrations or motions in my field. I often feel a bird is about to fly overhead, before it appears in my physical vision.

I realise we are capable of seeing and experiencing so much beyond the physical, and also how interconnected the mind, body, and soul is. Taking care of these different aspects of ourselves can have profound knock-on consequences for our health, beyond what we imagine. More than ever, I appreciate the power of emotional and spiritual healing and how this impacts our physical body. And that’s my message: sometimes what we feel physically, is just a symptom of something that goes far far deeper, that requires us to examine ourselves and to take care of and nourish our soul. It’s time to stop using superficial bandaids, and to embrace deeper healing, for our own wellbeing and the health of all our relations.

This photo is from my relaxing self-care ritual combined with painful healing ritual: blue clay face mask, and stinging mariola honey drops in my eyes. The pain often brings up different emotions and feelings buried deep within me, to the surface, for me to process and release: and emerge feeling more whole, and at peace, with myself.

Wishing you a beautiful day, and clarity on your path.

Rising after the Night

Let success be measured, not by how quick you arrive at your destination, not how few times you fell down… but by how you pick yourself up and keep on going, even when faced with adversity, even when the road is tough, by your perseverance and willingness to learn from the teachings of your Life’s journey.

Success is all about how you rise, after the night.

Economy of Love

We are here to Create
Heaven on Earth
live in Endless abundance
with an economy of Love
dancing Forever
to the Music
of Light

We are Rising
We are Shining
as we Manifest
the Reality
of our
Dreams


* * *


If only we believe... that magic does exist...
come, let's choose
in every single moment
to create the reality
that we desire

Freedom

the responsibility for our happiness is ours

it's as simple as
the blink of an eye
to sow a seed
to make a choice
the path is ours
and ours alone
a sovereign prayer
from a wild heart -

and so I will roam
through tumbling time
a captive to my
freewill

And so I invite you, to begin living your dreams today – taking each little step, to manifest the reality that you desire.

Horse Healing Magic

A couple of weeks ago I had the blessing to receive an equine therapy session in the mountains near to Lake Arenal, Costa Rica with Eric Kolesar and the Tula Vida horses… such an amazing and powerful experience, here’s a little more about it. I highly recommend his work and retreats!

And I gazed into 
his eyes of melted 
chocolate, dripping

sweet

like heart-opening cacao,
mirror for the textures 

within the unfurling 
rose
of my inner sails
riding across new seas

to foreign shores
as I find myself 

forgetting 
the stories, and all those times 

I’d been gripping
with some kind of a
desperate 

strangulation

to all that does not serve
but is like a toxic, addictive

nectar of 
hurt –

		Yet… he
showed me just where

to find that voice inside
and I found myself plunging 
my head, deep into
the rippling waters

of my Soul
realising, I could 
go beyond
and not drown.


And so Beloved, I am ready 
to walk by your side
with trust that we both
have sight of the goal

but will never be lost
by stubborn focus on the end –
instead, simply 
enjoying the journey

while of course 
knowing there may be 
moments of lost 
connection
like a little too much
tension 

in a tin-can telephone
line


but still, that process

be a perfect part
of our shared paths –


now I see how he dissolves 

the judgment off 
from the critic
within
myself.

The session began with an introduction to equine therapy and the horses, and setting an intention – I chose to focus on releasing a resurfaced sexual trauma. From the moment we began talking, I could already feel the effect of being in the horses’ presence – so much that I decided to change my intention from its “negative” focus on release of something “bad” that had happened, to a positive focus on stepping more into my empowered feminine. 

It was amazing to see – and experience – how the horses pick up on our emotions, how that in turn affects their behaviour, and so how they act as mirrors for us to look deeply into ourselves to observe how our thought and emotional patterns affect us. It also made me reflect deeply on the connection between “inner” and “outer” worlds: how we affect one another when relating, and the kinds of feedback loops that we generate – through body language, subtle expression, and energetic vibration. 

An example of this was an exercise we did to “lead” the horse that had chosen to work with me (Mr Big) to various points around the site. I witnessed how he would not move when I either became anxiously fixated on the goal of reaching the destination, or when I had feelings of doubt and insecurity about arriving at that goal. In the first case, he picked up on my mental fixation, tendency to attach to and rush towards achieving outcomes, and impatience. In the second case, it was my lack of self-confidence and belief in my ability to “lead” him, and insecurity as I turned to look back at him, that inhibited our progression. These feelings I had went hand in hand: when I could not get Mr Big to “move”, I would find myself becoming doubtful and judgmental about my “failure”, and then “try” even harder in that detrimental, overly future-focussed way.In both cases, witnessing how Mr Big was reacting to my inner state, brought to the surface my tensions and mental/emotional tendencies, in a stark way that facilitated my self-examination and then release of the behavioural patterns which were no longer serving me.

horses can act like mirrors for us: to look deeply into ourselves, witness how our inner world affects our outer, and how environmental feedback loops develop from body language, subtle expression, and energetic vibration

As the session progressed, I found myself becoming more aware, present, and letting go of painful stories as well as judgments about myself.  Horses know how to be so present in the here and now. I found myself identifying where I get stuck in stories from my past, and occasions where I allow things that have happened to me to inhibit how I relate in the present, due to fear of those cycles repeating. I left feeling more centred, peaceful, connected and ready to embrace my life and new opportunities in a fresh way – like I’d been through a big resetting process. I’m very grateful for the experience, and to meet all the beautiful souls at Tula Vida – human, horses, and the vibrant nature around the farm. 

Thank you!

If you’re interested to know more, check out Eric’s pages:

https://www.higherlivingnow.com

https://www.tulavida.com