Spirit’s Footsteps in the City

It’s strange to return to a big city after so much time living in the wilderness. The other week, I opened up an old box of my things, taking out clothes belonging to a past version of myself, and making me feel somewhat of a ghost in my own skin.

Echoes of a former life whisper back at me, and I wander the streets outside the Royal Courts of Justice where I once worked, stepping on familiar pavements that feel so foreign. I am at a crossroads of sorts. The future simultaneously feels more unstable and yet more secure, in an uncanny paradox. I think that’s what happens the deeper you connect with your heart’s true desires. Somehow, despite all the unknowns, you find yourself in a calm still-point. The only thing that really matters is that you surrender further into the giddy void of your expansion. Like the deep blackness of outer space, it is full of mystery and potential.

Days here are very different from the last couple of months – where I lived without electricity, working on repairing a landslide we had in Costa Rica (which felt quite literally like “moving mountains”), planting food for the future and foraging for what nature was already providing.

Now, there are no more fires at sunset, and I live in a place that feels strangely sterile – despite its modern comforts. After all, I had been living in a rundown hut shared with a bat, scorpion babies, and even a snake at one stage. Those creatures were my greatest teachers, in more ways than I can possibly describe.

I’ve been tapping away at my computer on some ad-hoc freelance editing jobs. So much screen-time is harsh upon my eyes, so I break up the day wandering about to different bookstores, seeing which ones will stock my book – Siege. When warm responses greet me, my heart takes flight – reminding me this is what I truly want to be doing. I was saying to someone the other day – “You have to love what you do more than the money you receive from it.”

As I slowly reconnect to another pace of life here in London, I realise there will be no “re-adjustment” to speak of. Sometimes you reach a point from which there is no going back. It remains to be seen how I integrate and incorporate the various aspects of myself – former “lives” lived within this one particular incarnation of Cara Goldthorpe. Still, the one thing I know is what sets my soul alight, and that it is a fire I must tend to.

On that note, now that I live with electricity again, I’m re-emphasising writing as a priority, and will be more present on this blog. I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote the other day after busking called: “A Day in the Life of my Husband’s Job“. The image is from the nearby Thames – reminding me of Nature’s spirit, strong even in the city.

I had been editing a book that morning
talking about comfort zones
and expanding them
overcoming our fears –
lest they paralyse us
the longer we don’t act on our desires.

Decided it was time, to take a break from the screen
and go into town
to have a go at playing music
on the streets of London
something my husband does for a living
but to me, the thought
threatened to choke up my throat.

I much prefer the stillness
of a quiet audience –
so I may settle into softness
instead of competing with the hustle
and bustle
of a hurrying crowd.

I am more moonlight, as he says
and he is the sunshine
and sometimes it’s a struggle
even to play together
because I feel the subtlety of my
gets lost.

Yet, why not –
put myself in his shoes?
Perhaps that will help me
to find more inner balance
and maybe earn a penny
for my efforts.

Besides, my brother
is working from home
and I want to play music
but do not want to disturb him 
from concentrating
on his rather serious job.

As I’m about to leave
he voices his concerns –
“the police could come”
and I reassure him
that I know the busking laws
and that in our council
there’s no need
for a licence.

Off I go, and I’ll admit
I wander around the market square
for 20 minutes
summoning my courage
and scouting where to perch –
first, I stop at a café 
called “Triple Two Coffee”
to get some 222 luck
to ignite my inner

Then I surrender
into the melody of songs
that came to me in the wilderness
when I played beneath the stars
beside a crackling fire.

A few strangers throw coins
but what’s priceless is the smiles
of wide-eyed children
enchanted by the story
of a golden eagle
who flew up to heaven –
touching other worlds
and bringing mystic messages
home to earth. 

A kind lady approaches
from Gail’s bakery
a place I’d once frequented
on bougie brunch dates
with law friends –
a few stuck around, all this time
while I discovered a different 
side to my soul.

She hands me a pastry
wrapped in a napkin
assures me it’s fresh, it’s warm
she just bought it at the counter
and I thank her for her kindness
and place it beside my coffee –
she notices 
and she says she’s glad
that I have a drink too.

I wonder what she thinks?
And to be honest, whatever it is,
it feels refreshing:
I’ve grown tired of the perception
I sense subtly, in new circles
that because I was once a lawyer
I’ve bottomless pockets
and can procure money with no worries
in a heartbeat.

The times have shifted
and I ride swirling currents
surfing the uncertainty
as I find humility
on the pavement, on the floor
sprawled out across a sarong
bearing the symbol of Ganesh
beginning a new life


I hope you have a lovely weekend. And, if you enjoyed my work and want to support me, you can find a copy of my book online (paperback and kindle) or in select stores.

With Love,


Published by Cara Amy Goldthorpe

Storyteller, holistic health guide, and lawyer, with a mission to promote health and ways of living more harmoniously on this planet and with each other.

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