I have the same dream, over and over
Where I’m running as though I’m trying to
Reach infinity
Picking up the pace, across the green fields
I’m running as the clock is ticking, and
I must reach the sea
Then I am there, the water before me
A carpet of blue that reaches out to
The ends of my sight
But the ocean will not stop me racing
As my eyes gaze to the horizon, that’s
Darkening with night
Then suddenly I’m no longer running
But skimming the surface of the waves, their
Salt spray all around
And then their power has lifted me up
Propelling me through a sky filled with stars –
Heavenward I’m bound
But just as I savour sweet freedom’s touch
Of wind billowing through my hair, it stops
And my breath catches –
Now I’m plunging at impossible speed
To earth and reality, as before
Me my life flashes
I wake as sweat pours off from my body
While fear courses through my blood, and a sharp
Tightness strikes my heart
I know what it is; I know why I’ve seen
This premonition, showing me just what
Will tear me apart
It’s time for change, to take action at last
The prophecy shows there’s only one way
The truth is revealed –
With indecision, life will race on by
The weak, the unsure, left cruelly to rot
On this battlefield
Image: Dali, Archaeological Reminiscence of Millet’s Angelus
“Running to reach infinity,” now that’s a thought worth pondering.
The notion makes me think of hurrying through life without focus or purpose, endlessly finding distractions to fill the time but never really realising why we are here…
My interpretation for the words were something like this, “our need for constant perfection, “An infinity,” ends up taking us away from our final goal, “The sea.”
But that’s just me.
I like this a lot! Very true too, regarding getting too embedded in detail and perfection, then losing sight of what we’re really wanting to achieve…
Dear Cara, would you mind some constructive criticism?
Not at all! Constructive criticism is always welcomed, thanks 🙂
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As might be evident from my earlier comment on your poem, struggling for perfection is a theme I’m just too familiar with. Maybe more than I want to.
These are my views as a reader not a writer.
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Either write in first person or omniscient third person, changing the POV in between the prose often ends up being confusing.
Do not change your tenses too much.
Another thing, there were no drums in fourteenth century.🙂
If you ask, I might suggest some alternative approaches but then the story would not truly be yours and I do not want that.
In simple terms, do not change the point of view in the story, it creates unnecessary confusion.
Necessary confusion on the other hand keeps the reader guessing.☺
Stupid me, I forgot to mention that this particular comment was in regards to your short story, capturing perfection.
I really liked the story. As I’m a painter too, I can relate to lot of words from that.
Thank you very much for your thoughts! Much appreciated. I normally don’t write in first person and experimented a bit here so it’s good to know what does/ doesn’t work! I’ll have a look over (and into the tenses too) and your thoughts will be particularly useful as I edit the longer accompanying story as well (yet to be finished..). Glad you liked the premise though and could relate 🙂
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